 | Current mood:  aggravated Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes Beauty may very well be in the eye of the beholder, but fat is fat and I have officially become sick of myself again. As some of you may know I had considerable weight loss success beginning in February of this year. I put myself on a very expensive but very healthy and result providing program. After only five months I had lost an impressive amount of weight and was stoked to be able to fit into some great "new" clothes that a friend gave me. At the end of June, however, when the regular school year ended and summer school began, I had to re-evaluate my finances, as I do each summer, and cut out anything that wasn't absolutely necessary. The last few summers I have only had a few temporary office jobs or babysitting gigs, but this year, thankfully, I had my gallery job. It was only part time but I managed to cover my rent, utilities, car insurance and gas. I wasn't able to cover the weight loss program, however, and now I am wishing I had done something different. I haven't gained all the weight back, and I'm still fitting (albeit snuggly and uncomfortably) into the clothes I was given. BUT! (I hate those big buts...pun completely intended.) My skin is completely outta whack with all the crap I'm eating and water I'm not drinking, my joints hurt when I get outta bed in the morning, my cravings are outta control because I've given in to every food whim I've had, and my face and eyes are puffy because of all the stinking water I'm retaining! Plus, moving this time has been a total pain in the back…literally and figuratively…because I've had not just the weight of my furniture to carry, but I've had my own extra weight as well! I've had enough! To top it all off, I just ran downstairs to go to the restroom and by the time I got back up the stairs I actually started to break a freaking sweat! Can you believe that crap? I'm sick of it! I've got to get back on program and FAST! I will not yo-yo any farther! I will stop the madness before it consumes me again! There is good news! I've still got some of the program packets from June…I'm going to get started on them tomorrow morning. I've also just found out about a program that is just like the one I was on only it's less expensive and has better tasting choices. Plus! I think I'm going to start Weight Watchers for the support part. Today I saw a friend of mine who has been on Weight Watchers for the past two years. She looks FANTASTIC! She's 48 and weighs less than she has ever weighed as an adult. She is a healthy size eight and has lost over 150 pounds! I am inspired! Now I know that there are those of you out there who have always been supportive of me in general. You tell me I'm cute or pretty or beautiful, and you tell me that you love me just the way I am. That's wonderful...I do appreciate your total acceptance of me. Still, I have to tell you that I want to be healthy! I want to be able to walk up four or five flights of steps without getting winded. I'd like to be able to not just move my own stuff but be up for helping other people move their stuff, too. (Even though I know that no one will ever move as much as I have. LOL) I want to feel refreshed and rested when I get outta bed in the morning, not creaky and old! This isn't about vanity; this is about physically feeling good and healthy. Right now I don't feel physically good or healthy. I feel like Jabba the Hut, and a few months ago I didn't feel this way, so I know it's the weight, and I know the weight is from the eating. So! I'm going to try something kind of scary. I'm going to let you all be my accountability partners if you want. I'm going to start blogging about my struggles and successes. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO READ MY BLOGS! This is America; you do have a choice. But! (Again with the big buts!) If you would like to support me and encourage me (or console me if I've made some unhealthy choices and confess them to you) I would really appreciate it. I'll let you know if the blog is about weight loss by putting a "WL" at the beginning of each weight loss blog. Okay, I've said my peace (as my stomach growls…great) and will simply leave you with this. We are all works in progress. We all have areas where we need to make better choices. I don't believe for one minute that this body is God's will for me. I'm not saying I have to be a model or anything, I just know I'm not using my body to the fullest because of how full my body is. I'd like to make this change for all the right reasons, just as I'd like to make character changes for the right reasons. My prayer for me is that I will be patient with myself (although it has been 31 years…I could maybe be a little less patient and more pushy after that long, right?) anyway; I guess I mean daily patience. My prayer for you is that you will seek out His will for whatever "problem areas" you have and that you will be patient with yourself. If there is anything I can do to encourage you, please let me know. We are not in our battles alone! We have each other and we should support one another. We should help bear each other's burdens when we can. I would be honored if you would help me with mine and I would be honored if you would let me help you with yours. Fighting the good fight… Aunt Steph |
October 15, 2006 - Sunday
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