A Tongue Lashing: Being my own faithful friend.

Ugh! I wanna be irritated and disgusted. I wanna be sarcastic and biting. I wanna be rude. What am I saying? I am irritated and disgusted. I am being sarcastic and biting (under my breath, at least - and on my blog). I am being rude.

Okay, maybe I just want to be heard. Maybe I just want to say what comes to mind. Maybe I just want to be brutally honest. I can probably be honest without the brutal... Maybe I just don't want you to assume you know where I'm going with this line of thinking or this course of action: because you don't know me. This hasn't been going on long enough for you to assume anything about me. I'm not being mean. I'm being protective - it is different. Don't laugh it off when you realize you were wrong. Shut your mouth! Okay maybe you were being protective, too. I can admit that. Next time I'll ask. Or maybe next time I'll do the whole thing differently. Maybe there won't be a next time. That would be nice...

I'm not going to waste time having this conversation with you. I've already seen what happens to the meaning of things. I say "A" and you interpret "B" and neither one of us can "C" what the other is saying. Of course I think I know what's going on... let me rephrase that: of course *I* think *I* know what's going on... *YOU* don't have a clue what *I'm* getting at but of course *I* understand *EVERYTHING* you're saying. Yeah, right. Sure, I'm pretty discerning - and I do try to pay attention. But I don't *really* know where you're coming from. I'm not sure I want to. Wait, that sounds inconsiderate. I'm really *not* trying to be inconsiderate. Dealing with people isn't really a waste of time.

I think what I'm feeling is frustration over how things have turned out. I'm frustrated with you - you are NOT what you presented yourself to be. You did NOT say everything that should have been said. Yeah... you withheld a LOT of information that, had I known it, I wouldn't have entered into this agreement. As it is it's only temporary, so I'm getting off pretty much unscathed. Still, it's seriously lame that this went down the way it did.

Take some responsibility, Stephanie, you're in this predicament because you didn't look before you leaped. Well, you didn't look intently. You should have looked *much* more intently. It makes for good stories, though, and lessons learned. (I'm thinkin' I've got enough stories, though.) Let's see, what is today? April 21... Nine days, and then 25 days.

I can do all things...
...but the greatest of these...
it's patient and it's kind...
Be doers... not hearers only...
Faithful are the wounds of a friend...

Way to be your own friend, woman.

Thank you, Lord, for my words, may they lead me to confession and praise without leading anyone else astray. "May the words of my mouth..."

Amen.

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