When I grow up I wanna be...

August 1, 2008 - Friday

When I grow up I wanna be... Current mood: hopeful Category: Jobs, Work, Careers Something very exciting (and maybe a little scary?) has happened! I think I may have FINALLY figured out my career direction. This is HUGE! For a while now I've been floundering, especially after my experience at West and Salem-Keizer. I mean I always knew that God was in it - too many GOOD things came out of it for the whole thing to have been a bust. Plus, I know that's how He works - He works things out for His glory: good, bad, or indifferent. The issue wasn't whether or not I was supposed to be there, I know I was supposed to be there. I think the whole point of me being there, though, was for me to experience somewhat first hand what I THOUGHT I wanted to do so I could see that it wasn't really what I wanted to do… if that makes sense. Ultimately, I was there to find out that I did not want to work full time in a public school, and I especially did not want to be a special education teacher. When I was teaching at the alternative school in Ballston there were a lot of negatives for sure, but none of them involved my specific job requirements or the kids. Some days it wasn't even really like "school" it was so alternative. I still had to answer to the state and federal standards, and I had to make sure our kids were learning what they should, but the environment was really different in the classrooms. It was like a group home or placement facility... and I mean that in the GOOD ways. I was involved in EVERY aspect of my students' lives... education, home, health, personal, even relationships. I was their teacher, but I was so much more. It wasn't unhealthy or anything like that, I just played a lot of roles and wore a lot of hats. I was teacher, counselor, advisor, aunt, friend, confidante... I was like an extended member of the family for some of the students. Parents called me at home, I transported kids back and forth to school, and I was invited to family and church events... My extreme involvement kind of reminded me of the teachers from Little House on the Prairie – you know, how the teachers were always going over to the students' homes for dinner and would see parents in town. There simply was a lot more intimacy. But for all the positives, most private schools aren't alternative schools and alternative or not, most can't pay very well. Initially I was okay with this. I just got a second job and was able to make ends meet with a little left over each month. Eventually I figured out, however, that the problem with the second job was that I wasn't able to commit as much after school time to school stuff. With one job I was short money. With two jobs I was short time. In the end, God made the decision for me and I am absolutely certain that I left when I was supposed to. When I got the job at West I was sure it would help me get me back on track and point me in the right direction. I had started my masters in 2005 but because of money and time I'd not been able to finish. I figured that making a little more money and being in the midst of a public school special ed classroom, even if I wasn't the teacher, would be exactly what I needed... and it was... just not like I expected. I realized that I had missed the mark by just a bit. I didn't want to TEACH at-risk and special ed kids, I wanted to WORK with them. There's a difference. I want to be in on the day to day stuff, and if that INCLUDES some tutoring or teaching that's one thing, but I don't want teaching to be the focus. I want to work in a group home, or maybe a juvenile corrections facility... I want to talk and listen to kids about EVERYTHING in their lives and not be relegated to just education issues. I may not have gotten into a TON of trouble when I was a kid, but I grew up with anger and rebellion issues, and a really messed up sense of who I was and how I was supposed to be. I struggled with feeling accepted in my own home and was very familiar with the idea of wanting to break free. I think I can help these kids because I think there's a part of me that understands them… including the kids with learning disabilities. I know what it feels like to want to do better and not be able to… Ultimately I want my private school environment back, only on an 8 to 12 hour shift basis. So, in light of this revelation, I did the first thing I always do when stuff like this happens: "God, what do I do now?" I got some wise counsel from people I trust, I talked to a couple of people "in the know" about this kind of work, and then I went and talked to a professor at Corban because I knew I would have to have some kind of education and since I wasn't going to be doing the MAT program anymore, I needed to find out the name of what it was I wanted to be and what sort of degree I would need to do it. Guess what? I can apply for jobs in this field RIGHT NOW! Yeah, there are jobs out there that are just want I'm looking for and all you have to have is a high school education and experience. Pshh. I've got that and THEN some. Plus, the starting pay for even the entry level jobs is WAY better than what I could make as an instructional assistant AND I won't have to have a second job! So the answer to, "God, what do I do now?" is, "Apply for jobs!" So that's what I'm going to do tomorrow after I get off work doing the home care thing. I've got some great websites to go to and some connections to call on come Monday. I'm really excited, and like I said earlier, a little scared. Please be praying for me as I fill out apps and talk to people. I just want God's will for my life, whatever that means and however He wants to make it happen. Pray that I'm a willing follower, and that I pick up ALL of what HE is putting down. GOD IS GOOD!