The Dixon Discourse

Okay, so I promise I'm not manic depressive or bi-polar: whatever the current terminology may respectfully be. Yes, I realize I was just on here a few hours ago, I haven't yet been to sleep. (I'm trying to get my circadian rhythm back in sync.) I was going to take a little nap but I feared getting too far into R.E.M. sleep and not being able to wake up at a decent hour - thus keeping me out of sync for another day. But! I did do my journaling at 4:30 this morning, and guess what happened? Last night when I went out for my drive I was listening to KLove and heard some really uplifting and thought provoking songs. One of the songs was: "Everlasting God" written by Benton Brown and performed by Lincoln Brewster. I'd heard the song plenty of times but I don't think I'd ever heard the version by LB with his son reciting Isaiah 40:28-31 at the end. The message of the song and verse was awesome - it totally "fit" where I was... AM... in life right n...

http://reperiendi.wordpress.com/2010/01/27/storm/ I stood in the midst of the storm tonight feeling no need for worry or fright for my Father has made me "water tight." There is no need to fear rain. The tempest howled, and shook the trees threatening to bring the world to its knees but my Father knows, and my Father sees. There is no need to fear wind. The sky flashed brilliant, charging the air, amazing displays that caused me to stare. My Father directs the show: when and where. There is no need to fear lightning. The heavens cracked open: a thunderous boom; darkening night closing in, rushing gloom, but my Savior stands between me and my doom... There is no body left in the tomb. There is no need to fear thunder, and there is no need to fear storms.

Tonight, after being in bed for the past (what feels like) 100 years I got up. I didn't shower, just brushed my hair back with a little water, threw on some clothes and a baseball cap, and headed out the door. It was 8:55PM. I wanted the drive, and the iced mocha at the end of the drive, and the grilled cheese sandwich from Jack in the Box on the way back from the drive, but I mainly just needed to get outta the house... my parents' house... my amazingly kind and difficult parents' house. Well, the house isn't kind and difficult. You know what I mean. I don't care what people say about Christian music and how it isn't as "cool" or "complicated" as secular music. Music that comes from the love and adoration of something can certainly stand up to music penned as a result of a drugged or drunken stupor. Anyway, I turned on the radio to KLOVE (not even my favorite station) and immediately felt God speaking to me. One of the shameful... well, emba...

Okay, so this is bad. I am bad. I'm not necessarily talking morally bad, although there is that, too. I'm bad off. I was sitting on my bed after eating an enormous chocolate chip cookie from the espresso bus place and all I could think about was how I just wanted to be either back sleeping or “gone.” I mean, it's so bad that I'm not feeling any guilt about being in bed all day, and I'm not feeling bad about the fact that I didn't work in the office today. I was a little... irritated? Concerned? Scared? Something when my mom came home with a “SLAM” of the door and then asked my dad if I was still in bed. I suppose I just don't want a confrontation from her... I keep waiting for the meds to kick in but I have a feeling it's not going to matter because I have no desire to do what I'm supposed to do – you know, day 10 of the little book I have on defeating depression. To defeat something you have to fight, and I'm not fighting. The thing is I don...