Amazing December
 | Current mood:  contemplative Category: Life It doesn't seem possible, does it? Can December really be here? Has another year almost come to a close? It's amazing how fast time goes by as I get older. I can remember being in elementary school and thinking I would never make it to Christmas break (now called Winter break in most public schools...how wonderfully politically correct we have become). The days would drag on and on and it felt like each week was a month; each month a year. Now it seems like I look back and a whole year has gone by in a matter of weeks. It's scary! I know that even though there is still a good 28 days left in the month of December, it will only feel like a few days have gone by when New Year's day arrives. It's crazy. December is one of those schizophrenic months that ends up being so busy there's very little time to think, and yet it is my most reflective month out of the year. I glance back over the last 11 months and take stock...mental inventory. What did I accomplish? What did I fail at? How did I treat my family and friends? Did I work hard at everything or did I let some things fall by the wayside? Some years I'm pleased with my numbers...some years I'm not. Inevitably, however, I evaluate and make plans based on what happened. If it was a good year I set goals to go above and beyond. If it was a mediocre year I set goals to be less luke-warm and more outstanding the next year. If it was a bad year then I give myself a goal of starting fresh and just doing better in general. The bad thing about this year is that I can't determine what kind of year it was. Last year's school year ended up so badly. I was in love with most of my students and what I was doing, but I was so unhappy with the administration and how I was treated. I wanted to quit. I began to doubt my abilities and my calling to be a teacher. Everything I did seemed to be undermined in some way or another. Everything I said seemed to be twisted and turned until it came back to me like I'd been playing telephone: the message had completely changed. My students were unhappy, parents were unhappy, I was unhappy. Summer school ended up being more of the same drama. I was certain I wouldn't be coming back in September...either because I would be fired or I would quit. My second job, working for my brother and sister-in-law, has ended up being a burden of its own. Initially I offered to help because my mom wasn't helping anymore. Now I wish I'd never volunteered. I love my family but working with family is unbearable. Too many boundaries are crossed and too many liberties are taken. The one consolation is that I am working off my debt to them...the money my brother fronted me for my truck so I wouldn't have to pay interest while making payments. As terrible as it sounds, I'll quit when my debt is paid off. I think I've finally learned my lesson not to do business of any kind with family. My third job started off good. Apparently I'm a good salesperson when it comes to selling art. It got bad when, just like my family situation, boundaries were crossed and liberties taken. I will most likely quit this job shortly...I just don't know if it's worth the hassle or the stress...but we'll see what the Lord wants. Summer was crazy. I spent a lot of time being a total dork and looking for fun, and eventually love, in all the wrong places. It was fun to sort of regress and become young and giddy again. I did find a couple of new friends in the deal...I met Seana and Stephanie...two very cool girls who will, to some degree I'm sure, be in my life for the rest of my life. They are, after all, sisters in Christ. I also met a couple of far away friends. People from Kansas, Louisiana, California... James, who I have bonded with in the coolest ways, is the pick of the crop. He listens to me when I'm sane and when I have low-blood sugar, and doesn't judge me on how weird I am. That's rare for males, y'know. The new school year started off with resistance from me. I knew I couldn't take business as usual, and God in His goodness and mercy did not give me business as usual. It was the same building, but a whole new school, with new administrators and almost all new students. We struggled, and are still struggling, but it's been more good than bad. Still, I can't decide if it's where I should stay. I guess, since December isn't over, I don't have to make any decisions about anything just yet. There is still a little time to decide if it was a good year, a great year, or a "needs improvement" year. One thing is certain, however, if God gives me another year, then I know I have another chance to do better, make more happen, make more of an impact on people. As you look back on the year I pray that you will thank God for your successes, forgive yourself for your failures, and allow the Holy Spirit to convict and encourage you in the areas where you were luke-warm. As you look forward to what next year will bring my prayer for you is the same prayer for me: take each day as it is given to you...it is a gift and not to be squandered or wasted. Live each day like you have been hand picked by God to live it, because He did hand pick you to deal with everything that you encounter. It's no accident, no coincidence and it's all on purpose. He makes the good happen and allows the bad for the purpose of growing us up to be just like His Son: full of character and selfless love, yearning to do God's will at all costs. Ouch. I've got some serious work to do. How about you? Steph
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