Body Language

December 3, 2007 - Monday

Current mood: sleepy
Category: Life

Our bodies have a way of talking to us when they're not doing well. I can imagine that each body has it's own language, but I think mine speaks about 5. It's probably because I'm a poor translator or something. LOL. It starts with my stomach getting upset. I take something for that and it usually goes away. Next my face breaks out... hello? How old am I? Not really much I can do but go hardcore on the clearasil. After the skin comes the headaches. I take something for the headaches and then my shoulders (where I hold most of my tension) start to hurt. So I take something for that. Then I either start sleeping too much or can't sleep at all. I treat the first with caffeine and the second with some kind of PM medicine. The final straw is when my stomach gets so bad that I start throwing up. Apparently that's a language I speak fluently so I know right away that something is wrong. I head in to the doctor and he/she asks me all the questions about lifestyle and stress, etc. I answer as informatively as I can... Yes I do. No I don't. No I haven't. Yes, I'll try. No not recently. Yes, of course. No! Never! In the end, however, sometimes I just want to say, "Y'know what's wrong with me, doc? I want to go home. I want to see Jesus. Not like I want to kill myself or anything, I'm just tired of this world! I want to give up and throw in the towel and I don't CARE who calls me a quitter or a failure because I'm going to be in the presense of GLORY and it won't matter what anyone else thinks." *chuckle* Can you imagine the look on his or her face? I bet they'd call in the white coats with the straight jackets. The sad thing is I'd never say that my doctor... I'd tell them I was depressed or sad or whatever but I'd never tell them what I was really thinking... I'd be too afraid of making them feel awkward.

The reality is that I DO feel that way sometimes. I do wish God would take me home sometimes. It's when I feel the most vulnerable or helpless. It's not that pathetic, "Woe is me," stuff. It's the heartsick cry for the One person who can truly bring peace that passes understanding. It's the yearning for the Person who knows me inside and out and knows exactly what I need to feel loved and safe and cared for. It's when things are so big and so painful that I just can't deal with it on my own... and I'm not supposed to try! I need clarity and comfort! It may come in the form of a friend sent at the perfect time, or it may come as a sudden warmth that comes over my body like going from a swimming pool into a jacuzzi. It's in those times that rather than take me home, He comes to me. He is palpible and physically present in the sense that I know without a doubt that I am in His presence and He is there with me.

Tonight and the last few days have been like that. I'm in some turmoil... experiencing some sadness and some physical pain, dealing with some heartache and definitely some confusion. Certainly not as bad as what others are going through, but a burden for me, none the less. So I cry out to Jesus. I tell Him that I've had it: I'm done and I wanna go home! My stomach is upset, I'm all stressed out, I'm throwing up for no good reason, and I know tomorrow I'll wake up with a headache because of all the throwing up tonight!

...and in my weakness He is made strong.

My cry for help becomes soothing tears that release the pain and I feel a warmth come over me despite the freezing weather outside. My body is calmed and the language it now speaks is one of yawns and blurry eyes. I'm being told to go to bed.

God is good. He loves you. Cry out to Him and let Him comfort you.

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