On Again Off Again

August 23, 2007 - Thursday

Current mood: tired
Category: Life

If I believed in astrology I would make some kind of comment about how today the moon must have been in the 6th house and Saturn was surely aligning with Pluto because why else would my day have felt so "off" and ended up with me in tears? After all, any true music proficionado would know that an ON day would consist of the moon being in the SEVENTH house and JUPITER aligning with MARS... A.K.A. the Dawning of the Age of Aquarius. I do not, however, believe in astrology. I am most certainly a fan of the 5th Dimension (Marilyn McCoo was so foxy back in the day!) but I'm not a fan of crediting or blaming my "off" days on the alignment or misalignment of the heavenly bodies. Instead I will give credit to my HEAVENLY Father (see how I did that?) for providing me with the grace to get THROUGH my "off" day.

I have a sneaking suspicion that I've been building up to this "off" day for a few weeks now... actually, it's more than a suspicion - it's a certainty. I haven't been sleeping very well, have had a few minor but bothersome health issues, had some family stress, work stress, financial stress, and some friend stress, too. (Poor comma usage I know - I don't care.) The problem with all this build up is that I haven't really been laying any of it down; I haven't been surrendering it to God. I have this horrible (and I do mean horrible) habit of temporarily giving God my problems but then taking them back in order to try and fix them myself. I hate it! (As if He's not almighty and powerful enough to take care of my struggles.) I realize it's a trust issue and it hurts my heart to acknowledge that I am still dealing with issues from my past. Father God, when will I finally be free of these things? When will I learn to fully trust You to take care of the big and little, significant and inconsequential parts of my life? When will I quit being "on again off again" so I can make sure my days are, well, mostly "on" again?

I'm tired… I need to go to sleep. After some awesome prayer time with my roomie, a box of tissues, a cup of coffee, a homemade banana-chocolate chip muffin, and some scintillating conversation with my "number 1" I have stopped crying… I'm even grinning a little. I will address this later, because it NEEDS to be addressed.

God's grace is sufficient.
God's love is unconditional.
God is good.
Steph

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