Feeling Small, In Total Awe, & Anticipating

March 2, 2007 - Friday

Current mood: pensive
Category: Life

Something is up...besides me. There is a feeling or an emotion or something that I can't put my finger on...it's external and internal at the same time. I feel like I'm in the middle of something very big right now...something so totally out of my control and yet I am very much a part of it. I can't explain it. Too many things happened today, things that were so perfectly choreographed that they couldn't have been chance. I don't believe in chance anyway, but...

For being such a larger than life and just plain larger person I feel very small right now. Not in a bad way, not in an insignificant way...in an awestruck way. It's kind of like the first time I saw the Northern Lights, or the first time I saw a glacier. I remember feeling so small. The sky was so huge and the thick ribbons of color that danced in it seemed alive and electric. I remember the hair standing up on the back of my neck. I remember standing on the glacier and almost falling over looking up at it. It was like it was a skyscraper. The color was the the most intense blue I'd ever seen and it didn't just feel cold it looked it. Both experiences were ethereal...other worldly.

I don't know what's going on but I'm committed. Whatever You want, Lord, whatever You would have me do...I'm there. I'm not worthy, I'm not qualified, I'm not even mildly capable...but I'm available.

Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

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