I'm Just Nice, That's All, I'm Not In To You

July 9, 2006 - Sunday

I'm just nice, that's all, I'm not in to you. Current mood: amused Category: Romance and Relationships Okay, so after such a scathing blog on obese fashion I decided that turn about is fair play so today's blog revolves around the ill conceived notion that if an overweight girl talks to you, she must be interested in you in a romantic way. Let me be the first, but hopefully not the last, to put this notion to death. I have been overweight most of my life. I wasn't a fat kid, but by the time I reached junior high I was taller than most of my female teachers and weighed as much as some of my male teachers. I had two boyfriends in junior high, short-lived relationships as most during that time are, so at that point I was still considered pretty enough for the normal guys to like me. I was even dateable in high school, even though I was, as my English teacher /drama coach described, a throwback to the early years of Hollywood when starlets had buxom, full figures. By college, however, I had blossomed into a full-fledged obese person. The freshman fifteen was more like the freshman fifty and I was off and running, well, not really running, more like strolling slowly and breathing with difficulty. Anyway, my new rotund status didn't keep me from having a little bit of self-esteem. I have always thought I was pretty funny and I think I have a great personality, so I didn't let a few extra pounds get in the way of me making friends on campus. I introduced myself to quite a few people and found that on my Christian college campus there were a lot of really nice people: girls and guys alike. What horrified me, however, was the first time I got the talk from a guy I had recently begun hanging out with. Have you even been to a surprise party that was being thrown for you? Do you remember how you felt? I remember a surprise party that was thrown for me once. At first I was truly surprised and could only react with something that was like fear. It scared the crud out of me! As I recognized the faces, however, I began to feel embarrassed and kind of angry. I don't like surprises or things that seem to come out of nowhere. Thankfully, I was able to mask the anger, I cant say so much for the embarrassment. As the evening continued, however, I was able to overcome the negative feelings I was having and I ended up enjoying the night. I can look back on it now and laugh. Whats my point? I had this guy friend in college who was strictly a friend, nothing more. I didn't think he was cute, I didn't find him interesting beyond friendship, I just thought he was nice and fun to hang out with. After about a month of hanging out, mind you he was doing most of the calling and inviting, he calls me up and says he needs to talk. SURPRISE! Happy Birthday! Ummmm, not so much. I meet this guy at the designated place on campus and he tells me that he cares a lot about me. I'm sitting there thinking Oh no, he likes me, what do I do? Step 1, FEAR. Then he tells me that he has a lot of fun hanging out with me but he thinks the friendship might be one-sided and rather than hurt me farther down the line he thinks he should tell me that he doesn't have those kind of feelings for me. Step 2, EMBARRASSMENT. Next he tells me that I should stop calling him as much because hes feeling uncomfortable. Step 3, ANGER. I just sat there wondering when it was going to end. Finally he asked me if I had anything to say. Oh boy did I! I lit into him like he was a stack of logs waiting to be engulfed by the flame of my wrath. There would be no masking tonight! I told him that up until now, I too had enjoyed hanging out with him. I told him that I had never felt anything more than friendship for him. I told him he wasn't my type and that while he had succeeded in not hurting my feelings he had really pissed me off by being so presumptuous. I told him that he wouldn't have to worry about me calling him as much because I would stop calling him all together. Then I asked him a couple of questions. What evidence do you have that I like you for more than a friend? What have I done or said to make you think that, because I want to make sure I don't ever make that mistake again. His reply? He didn't really have any evidence. It was just a feeling he was getting. Then he said it the words I will never forget only because they are still hilarious to me to this day. Step 4, LAUGHTER. Ive had fat female friends before and they always end up liking me. What? Why? Have you looked at yourself lately? You are no prize, physically or facially speaking. Yeah, you re funny and fun, but so am I and until this conversation I had not considered YOU anything other than a friend. Ive had fat guy friends and unless they point blank told me they liked me, or made very overt gestures that led me to believe that they liked me, I always just considered a spade a spade! Ugh! I was so mad! But it wasn't even over yet. I had to get some clarification. I asked him So tell me this, is this a universal truth? Do most guys think that if a fat chick latches onto them in any way shape or form then it has to be because they are romantically interested? You will not believe the answer I got. He said YES! He said that he had talked to some of his friends in the dorm about the situation between the two of us and that they had responded in like fashion. Almost all of them had had fat female friends who had ended up liking them and they had to LET THEM DOWN EASY because even though they didn't like the girls romantically, they still thought they were nice. The advice they had given my friend was to do the same with me. I just rolled my eyes and breathed a big sigh. Listen, I said, I'm not just telling you this to save face. I really don't have those kinds of feelings for you. I do have those kinds of feelings for someone, but it isn't you. I appreciate you trying to let me down easy, but there's no need. I will still be your friend if you want, but I don't know if I want to hang out with you anymore because you obviously don't get me and don't know who I am. Ill talk to you later, maybe. By the way, what your friends told you is a fallacy. Fat girls have taste just like everyone else, and in my case, its very particular and picky taste. We don't fall in love with the first guy who pays attention to us. Please get that into your thick skull and do your best to quell this notion amongst your so-called intelligent friends. So listen up guys, and some of you dumb girls out there, too. Don't make too many assumptions based on body size. I may be fat, but I'm also just plain 'ol nice, and sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. The Queen