Mall Music & It's Magical Pull on My Thoughts
 | Current mood:  uncomfortable Category: Music The music in the mall today is hoppin'! They changed the tape or something. I'm hearing things that have actually been on the radio within the last decade. Seana is here looking at the 2004 Limited Edition Comprehensive Catalog, writing down cool quotes and looking at pictures she wants to either live in or buy. "One Week" by Bare Naked Ladies just came on and we both squealed with delight as we looked at each other knowingly and said, "Oh my goodness, that reminds me of..." and then let the sentence drop: inside joke. My iced coconut mocha is gone and I'm now just sipping the melted concoction I call, "sweet water." I have had a number of very intense conversations in the past few days. Yesterday my mom and I talked about my dads best friend who just passed away. She cried a little and so did I. Some of my girl friends from church and I discussed the pros and cons of Internet dating. It was a very enlightening and humorous conversation. My friend Seana and I have been holding an on-going conversation about the struggles of self-love and trusting others with regard to weight issues. Another friend and I talked about expectations, timing and being overwhelmed. Still another friend and I discussed religion, the probability of pitch being learn able, not innate, and the significance of tights and spandex in the world of rock and dancing. "Right here right now, there is no other place I'd rather be." (I think a group named Jesus Jones sings this. I think it's supposed to be political or something.) Yeah, I can't say that right now, last night I could say that but not today. It's been a very intense couple of days. I haven't slept much, haven't really eaten much (except for coffees, of course) and haven't really been in the "clear" place that I'm in today. I've been full of thought, but not introspective. I'm restless or something. Today is one of those days when I could really use a drive. I'd love to just hop in the truck and take a trip to the coast. It's only 2 hours away and the drive there would do me good. I think I need a good cry, to be sad and release my tension. I need a good laugh, too, to be completely jubilant and release my stress. "Life is a highway, I wanna ride it all night long. If you're going my way..." I love that song. Rascal Flats did a newer version of it but they're both good. Anyway, back to laughing...the funny thing is that when I laugh really hard, when I have laughing fits, I usually cry some, too. That would be a good thing. But I'm here, at the gallery, watching people walk by, critiquing what they're wearing, listening in on sound bites of their conversations...and I'm neither laughing nor crying. I think I need a nap. Oooo. I love this song. Can't remember the artist...Shawn something. "Ev-er-y-things gon-na be all-right, rock-a-bye. Rock-a-bye." Yeah, I wouldn't mind it he if rocked me to sleep. Ha ha ha. Maybe that's what I need: a babysitter. I can pick up after myself and change my own diapers and feed myself, I just need someone to play with me and tuck me in, and be there smiling, ready with a hug when I wake up. This isn't supposed to be dirty...its not about that; its about comfort, that's all. Maybe I'm just uncomfortable today. I have this new chair that is incredibly comfortable. If I were home right now I think I'd be in it, covered up with my favorite blanket that's been washed to soft and tattered perfection. Yeah...that sounds good. My babysitter would be there too, maybe lying on the sofa watching a movie, waiting for me to be rested enough to get up and play. Oh my goodness...one of the most beautiful and intense songs...Iris by the Goo-goo Dolls. "And I don't want the world to see me, 'cuz I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am." This is my theme song when it comes to love and romance. That's all I want, I just want you to know who I am. I may be overly affectionate, I may be overweight, but I just want to be known...through and through...understood in every way. OH man! The song gets quiet and then it explodes with the chorus and then gets quiet again. Goosebumps...even in a mall it's intense. Oh yeah, I'm in a mall, I'm not home, and I don't have a babysitter, I'm here. I'm not at the coast, I'm at the gallery, sort-of working. I need to be thankful, I need to remind myself to be thankful for what I have...not just one job, two. Some people can't even get one, so I'm blessed. Maybe for the next few minutes I should practice thankfulness and gratefulness... Okay, I was practicing thankfulness and gratefulness and an INXS song just came on and ruined it. Not that I don't like the song, I was just in a mellow place and they kind of spoiled it. "That's what, you nee-eed. Oooooooo that's what, you nee-eed." Okay, I think I'm over the whole blogging thing for the moment. I love you all...really and truly. God is good. The Queen. |
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