Meeting For Coffee
 | Current mood:  peaceful Category: Friends About three weeks ago I got a call from a friend; a guy I used to date. He was going to be coming through Salem and wanted to know if I would meet him for coffee. We had kept in touch off and on, but it had been years since I'd seen him. He had gotten married and had kids and I of course had stayed single... I remember being VERY twitterpated with him when we were getting to know each other. He was good looking, funny, intelligent, sweet and attentive... most of the things I was looking for in a guy... but in the end I found out he was conflicted in some VERY important areas and I called it off. Coffee... years later... why not? The morning of the meeting I found myself being concerned with my appearance. I didn't go to my ten year high school reunion but I can venture that what I was feeling at that moment was probably pretty close to what I would have felt had I flown back to Alaska to see my former school mates. It wasn't so much that I wanted to impress him, after all he WAS married, but there was this underlying sense of, "I at least want to look decent so he doesn't whisper under his breath 'Thank God we didn't work out, she's totally fallen apart.'" I ended up spending less time getting ready than I do getting ready for church and as I headed out the door to go see him I realized it had been years for him, too. Maybe HE was the one who had totally fallen apart and I would be the one saying, "Thank God we didn't work out." I arrived at the coffee shop and he was already there. Dang it! I wanted the upper hand! I wanted to be the smug one watching him walk in. Ah well. I opened the door to the shop and there he was, sitting on the couch. He grinned and got up and gave me a big hug. We sort of stood back and attempted to non-chalantly size each other up... he was still really attractive and surprisingly I was happy for him. He didn't vomit when he looked at me so I must not have made him TOO sick. We ordered coffee (he paid - still a gentleman) and then sat down and got caught up on what had been happening in our lives. It was a great time... it was good to see him. I was thankful that what had once been a very sad and difficult break-up had ended up on a positive note. As the years go by and my list of ex-boyfriends gets longer I realize how important it is to leave things in a "healthy" way. When I was younger I would sometimes quit friends, boyfriends and jobs without any consideration of the future or burned bridges or lost opportunities. It came back to bite me in the butt more than once. But the most painful part of the lesson was when I quit things without any consideration for a person's feelings. Those situations didn't bite me on the butt, they gnawed at my heart and my conscience until I was humbled and broken and miserable. Sometimes "sorry" just doesn't cut it. Sometimes people get so hurt and hold on to it for so long that they literally never get over it. The only thing you can do at that point is ask for God's forgiveness and lay it at His feet and then move on. The flip side, however, is to immediately (or as soon as possible) forgive those who have "quit" you in some way. It's hard knowing that you have hurt someone but I think it's harder being the one hurt. Holding on to that pain is really bad for you. Forgive the person, remember that they're human and they're probably acting out of their own hurt. Then move on. You may find that they look you up later in life, and how cool will it be when you can let them know that the bridge is still very much in working order and available for safe passage to the other side. I love you, |
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