My Friend James

December 31, 2006 - Sunday

My Friend James Current mood: thankful Category: Romance and Relationships My friend James died on December 28, 2006 at around 3:00 in the morning. His family chose not to do an autopsy because over the last few years he had been sick with diabetes and an infection that had been caused from an accident while working as a Deputy Sheriff in Missouri. He had been through multiple surgeries and hospital stays and his family simply didn't want him to be cut on anymore… there had been enough. James' two younger daughters were with him when he died. The oldest daughter called 911, and when the first responders tried to revive him he had already passed away. Through some conversations with his ex: the mother of his daughters, his sister-in-law, and James' best friend, we have pieced together the fact that James probably died of either a stroke or massive heart attack. He died happy, fast and in his sleep: just like he wanted to die. He died with two of his most favorite people around him. He leaves behind a mother and father, one brother and three daughters. One of his brothers had already passed away. I've been trying to explain how two people can become so close despite the geographical distance that separates them…despite the fact that one never sets eyes on the other in person. I haven't been able to find the words. But a few minutes ago, while I was literally waiting for time to pass, I realized I might be able to explain it if I compare it to something. It's not that I have to explain it… I don't feel like I have to justify anything… I just want my friends to get it. I want them to know that this is real, the closeness, the sadness, the relationship… it's all real. Even if the other person doesn't end up being the person you thought they were, the feelings that YOU are experiencing are not false. They are completely valid. A few years back when I was doing the accounting for a furniture store I had a contact who tracked our inventory shipments for me. He worked in New York, in one of the WTC towers. I spoke on the phone with him at least three times a week for almost two years. We emailed, sent birthday cards and became friends. Before I left to go to another job I called him and told him I was leaving. He cried on the phone with me. It moved me to tears as well. This man was my friend. We had never met, we had never had any contact other than the phone and emails, and yet he was my friend and he was sad to know that our relationship would most likely end because of my switching jobs. When 9/11 occurred the first thing I thought of was Jonathan, my friend who I'd known for almost two years. I was heart broken. To this day I don't know if he survived or not. James and I only knew each other a little over 4 months. Not that long, for sure. But we talked every day for those four plus months…every day... Think for just a minute about people you know and see every day for four months. Even if you only see them in passing, you become close to them, or at least familiar. I spoke with James for at least an hour every night, sometimes I spoke with him two or three times a day, sometimes more. Because of his illness he was home a lot. He had time. He loved the "company." The more I spoke with him, the more I got to know him and how awesome he was, the more I grew to appreciate and yes, love him. We talked about everything…agreed about most and disagreed about some. He was intelligent, creative, stubborn, silly, ornery, sweet and caring. He was honest about his situation and didn't care what others thought of him. If you loved him, good, if you didn't, so what. He was also honest about how he felt about me: he loved me, just like I was. He didn't care if I was fat or skinny… oh but he did care about how I smelled… lol… I sent him a card with my perfume on it and he approved. Lol. He told me right from the beginning that his girls had to be as important to his future wife as they were to him, and he said the same about his mother and his best friend, Lori. He was up front, he had character. He was DECENT. The stuff we talked about is private, but it was sincere and intense. I not only had a relationship with James, I had a budding relationship with his two youngest daughters, as well. I know about his family, he knows about mine. I know about his childhood, he knows about mine. I know his dreams and his desires for the future… and he knows mine… There are people in my life right now that I know, "face to face" know – people that I've known for years – that don't share that kind of information with me… and I would never share that kind of information with them. James was different, wonderful, he was sincere. He was not perfect and didn't pretend to be, but he was my FRIEND! Now that he's gone…and the way that he left… it makes me sad. I don't HAVE to explain it… I just want to. The memory of him is more than worth my feeble attempt to try and find the words. I'm not going to dwell on this forever. I'm going to mourn my friend for as long as I need to… a healthy amount of time according to what God deems right for me. I'm not going to be gloomy about it, but I'm not going to hide it either: James wasn't my world he was just a big part of it for a short but very sweet time. I miss him and I hope to see him some day in Heaven. Thanks for reading this – continue to pray for his family.