Okay, so I know it's been a while...I've been busy and tired and sick...and sick and tired of being busy. I'm here now, though. It's a Tuesday night and I'm at the gallery halfway working and halfway thinking.
Recently I've been pondering the subject of pain, hurt, sadness and regret. It's a thick mire, and difficult to wade through. I'm thankful because at this point I'm not in pain, have no real hurts, feel no sadness and cannot do a thing in the world about my regrets because they are in the past and can't be undone. But even if I was experiencing one or more or a combination of these things, I don't know if I would be up for a blog about them. My focus has been more on the people around me and how they deal with these things...these feelings and issues. By watching them, by observing how they deal with life's difficulties, I have learned a thing or two about myself and I realize I need to make some changes in me. I hate these kind of revelations...I hate that sometimes it takes the pain of others to teach me and I hate that I have to admit, once more, that there is something wrong with me. (Imagine me grinning and chuckling a little here.) But I love the fact that God has allowed me enough humility (and I admit that at times there is very little humility to be found in me) to recognize my faults and work at fixing them with His help.
My latest excursion into introspection has caused me to gain a better understanding of how I respond to people in pain and it has also revealed to me something that is really quite astounding. I have always thought I had a very good head knowledge of why people act the way they do. Two members of my family have degrees in counseling and psychology, and I myself have a number of years of received counseling under my belt. I feel as though I have a discerning spirit when it comes to people and their actions and what's behind the actions, but I've realized that the one area where I am egregiously equipped is in the discernment of the difference between acting out of disregard versus acting out of pain.
To be sure, I'm not finished with the revelation. I've not completed the thought processes that are required for me to end this blog with some sincere encouraging thought and a hope for you all. Just know that I'm thinking deep thoughts...thinking about many of you...and trying to come up with the remaining words and ideas that it will take to change this fault in me. I will, however, leave you with this for now. I have come to understand that most of the time if you hurt me you are not trying to be mean...you're not intending to hurt...more often than not you are responding out of your own pain and as a friend I need to remember who you are, who you have been to me, and the part you have played in my life. I realize now that if I will consider these things first and not assume your intentions, then I in turn will not be hurt by any responses that may be born from your pain.
So that's all the time I have for now...I have to get ready to go home, YAY! In the mean time, while I'm still formulating my thoughts and words to complete this blog, I will pray for understanding for us all. I'll pray Christ's love will be the translator we all need to assume the best about each other and that we will not be hurt when someone inadvertently lashes out at us simply because they are in pain.
I love you all, and Lord willing, will be back soon,
Aunt Steph
contemplative 
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