Tonight I write.

Tonight I write;
for right and for spite,
the trite and the bite,
the oversight,
wanting to take flight.

Tonight I type;
taking a swipe,
addressing the hype,
the time beyond ripe
for this healing gripe.

Tonight a diatribe,
with a fighter's vibe
I'm taking a gibe
and as I ascribe
I cease to imbibe.

...and the big sigh
is a sure sign.
Time to do this
line by line.

When I first started this little bit of processing I was one day short of a year in writing again. Of course, now that I've taken some time to re-think the direction of where I was going with this particular train of thought, I have missed the mark by 19 days. Ah well.

This one day short phenomenon happens often with me and writing/journaling. One day short of a month, one day short of a week, one day short of a decade... It's as if God has set some kind of one-day-shy alarm clock in me that makes me wake up one day before some kind of deadline that probably only seems important to me. I'm weird about time going by. I watch it, and compare it - analyze it almost - and take note of strange things, often small things... sometimes not so small, sometimes not so strange.

November 25th, for instance, was my one year anniversary of being back in Texas. November is also the month that I allowed God to break a very large shackle in my life... December 1st was my one year anniversary of working at Sun Coast. December also brings the anniversary of the deaths of my friends Rita, and James, as well as the celebration of my second Christmas in Texas.

There is a 6 month anniversary coming up, too, one that I'll leave unnamed for now. I've been up and down, over and under, above and below, this way and that with this experience. Tonight especially I think I've come to the end of my ability to cope. I mean, I know I haven't - I'm being a *little bit* overly dramatic here - but I have come to what I believe is the end of the line with the experience. I mean, how much are we supposed to take, and I'm not talking about suffering or anything like that. I'm talking about doing the right thing and being smart... I'd venture to say that when you get to the point where your cloak of kindness has turned into a doormat of abuse it's time to pick up the doormat and quit being walked on. It's unfortunate that you really can't undo the transformation.

Usury - neither the deed nor the mindset - is not easily undone.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Moving to Portland

In 2005 I was teaching at a private alternative school in Balston, OR. I LOVED that job: not so much the paperwork and planning that comes with teaching, but working with teens that did not fit the “normal” bill. In October of that year I was informed that I needed to enroll in school as well as teach it. I was so excited to find out that not only did I get to go for my masters degree and teacher certification, I was going to be able to go on someone else’s dime! I went through the application hoops, took the MAT, bought my books, and in December I started a new cohort at Western Oregon University. After my first term there I was elated to find myself sporting my first ever 4.0 GPA. My classes had all been about adolescents: psychology, learning styles and development. I had found my passion! I was eager to start the next term until I took the first term bill into my boss and she said I would need to pay it. WHAT? That’s when things started going south… and without realizing it, I took
Read more

The Best (I shouldn't have) Laid (down) Plans

Image
I have decided that I just don't care if my life has become an if-it's-not-one-thing-it's-another-one-comedy-of-errors-after-the-other-I-could-write-a-book-about-this-crap saga. It's my life, it's the only one I get, these are the choices I've made, this is the person I've become. My journals, Heaven forbid they are ever published, are fraught with stories of laughter and tears, joy and heartbreak, struggle and... well, struggle. (Wait... Casey Nichols, upon my death I here-by bequeath my journals to you. You may publish them but change the names, including mine, to protect the innoc... well, just change the names.) Many of my blog entries also reflect the often ridiculous nature of my life and the events that occur within the minutes and hours I stumble upon this crazy planet. I am not one to hide a good story, nor a good lesson for that matter, and take pride only in the fact that with each silly or disastrous occurrence God gives me the humility (and
Read more

Biggest Loser Casting Call

Alert! This is a long one. It doesn’t take much to excite me these days, and as a rule I am, for the most part, easy to please. I try not to ask for too much, expect even less than I ask for, and generally try to be thankful for what I am given. Every once in a while, however, something really big or really cool comes along, and I psyche myself up for the event and against my better judgment I hope… I pray… I yearn… for something that will be truly life changing. When will I learn? Okay, okay, before I go into trashing mode, I will admit that there were good things about the day. Good company can turn around the most undesirable situations, and I had the best company you could ask for. Laugh if you like, but I have found that most of the people I know who have a lot of… um… well, “personal insulation” on them almost always have a lot of fun as well, especially when they are amongst friends. S and K are two very funny, very supportive friends who, along with a few kind strangers, litera
Read more