The Dixon Discourse

Most of my close friends and family know what's been going on with me and my intestines. Despite the severity of things I have tried to keep things light. I've tried to not be that whiny person who focuses on the negative. Unfortunately, acting positive doesn't always translate to doing. By that I mean that I have been a bit of a bedroom, bathroom and recliner potato for the past 8 months. I have attempted to be get out a little, or have people over, but have cancelled a lot of those engagements - many at the last minute. Today I had planned on accomplishing a little bit of personal stuff - finishing some cleaning at the old residence and picking up a final piece of furniture for the room where I now live. It has been a rough week, though, with a lot of eruptions and even some new pain in my joints. When I went to the doctor yesterday I was also informed that my blood pressure was up - way up - and that didn't settle very well with me. So when I woke up dizzy this morni...

Alert! This is a long one. It doesn’t take much to excite me these days, and as a rule I am, for the most part, easy to please. I try not to ask for too much, expect even less than I ask for, and generally try to be thankful for what I am given. Every once in a while, however, something really big or really cool comes along, and I psyche myself up for the event and against my better judgment I hope… I pray… I yearn… for something that will be truly life changing. When will I learn? Okay, okay, before I go into trashing mode, I will admit that there were good things about the day. Good company can turn around the most undesirable situations, and I had the best company you could ask for. Laugh if you like, but I have found that most of the people I know who have a lot of… um… well, “personal insulation” on them almost always have a lot of fun as well, especially when they are amongst friends. S and K are two very funny, very supportive friends who, along with a few kind strangers, litera...

March 18, 2010 - Thursday Kick Her When She's Down Current mood: nerdy Category: Life I’m having one of those days… scratch that, I’m having one of those YEARS! Yeah, and I’m still only in the first quarter. Niiiiiiiice. Not. It’s so NOT funny, I have been so bored and so out of sorts lately that I find I’m creating drama where there is none. I see my niece and nephew overreact to just about EVERYTHING and I think, “Oh my word… that’s ME!” It’s truly frightening. I have this one situation, which will remain secret, and on any other given day, week, or month I would be stoic and poised and ready to leave people in my dust, but today? This week? This month? Ugh. I’m so pathetic I make mySELF puke… which is funny because that’s one of...

March 18, 2010 - Thursday Patience: A Royal Pain Current mood: creative Category: Life I know me pretty well. I have been me for quite some time now, and during this time I have taken it upon myself to get to know me as much as humanly possible. In saying that you would surely think that I would understand how my personal time tables work and be patient with the processes. Guess again. I think I am more impatient with myself than anyone else... and I don't really even know "anyone else" very well, so the fact that I have more patience for them than I do my own self, well, you see where I'm going with this! I mean, people talk about things they would do if they were a super hero, and say they would have this or that su...

Originally posted March 17, 2010 at 1:58 pm Whoa! I know, I know, it's been a long time. The truth is I've done a TON of writing in my journals, and I've even done some writing on my computer, but alas, my internet connection is infrequent at best, so I haven't bothered. But there are some things that just have to be put out into the ether so they can... I don't know... be "known" or something. Anyway, I was on another social networking sight the other day (I love the things my BlackBerry can do) and someone wrote for their status, "Love is in the air." I grimaced a little when I read it, I think there was a sigh or a groan as well, and I realized that despite the fact that we haven't had a real winter here in Oregon, spring has, in fact, arrived. Love IS in the air. Lame. Okay, not LAME... how about, "Whatever." Yeah, that works... and yet, I can't even really get behind that. Okay, I admit, I like the idea of having a person a...

December 26, 2008 - Friday I could blog tonight... Current mood: weird Category: Blogging but my head is hurting a little... not so much that I can't function, but enough that I'm not thinking straight. But this should give you all something to look forward to!!!! YAY! I know, I'm pathetic. LOL. Blog coming soon! God is good, Steph

December 20, 2008 - Saturday Tenth Avenue North lyrics "By Your Side" Current mood: thankful Category: Life Great lyrics when I have moments of weakness. If I could only remember that there IS One who never lets me down! If I could only remember that HE has proven Himself over and over and I have no reason to doubt Him - no reason to question His intentions. No reason to worry... He won't lie to me, cheat on me, break up with me, say mean things to me, hurt my feelings, confuse me, leave me alone... and the list of things that He will do for me is endless... When ya gonna learn, girl? By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North Why are you striving these days Why are you trying to earn grace Why are you crying Let me lift up you...

December 4, 2008 - Thursday The boat is still afloat. Current mood: confident Category: Life I can't figure out if this is a trial or a consequence... or maybe it's a lesson. I'm not upset... not really confused, either. I guess the best way to describe how I feel is that head tilt that dogs do when you talk to them. It's like they're saying, "I hear something, and I see you looking at me... what do you want me to do?" I'm at that place with the job search. I got a call from the guy in Klamath Falls today. I was in the shower when he called so there was a missed call and voice mail on my phone when I got back to my room. I sat down on my bed and listened to the message. Then I just stared at my phone f...

November 14, 2008 - Friday My inspiration for "I am the boat." Please read this too. Current mood: thankful Category: Life Matthew 6:30-33 (The Message) If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will ...

November 14, 2008 - Friday I am the boat. Current mood: adventurous Category: Life So today I found out via email that I didn't get the job in Japan. When I read the email my response was (and this was a literal, verbal, out loud, response), "Huh... so what's next, Lord?" I didn't get what you would call and "answer" per say, I just felt peace. I got out my phone and updated my status on here and facebook, and then I finished getting ready to go see a friend. It was good - it was just done. A few minutes later I wondered out loud, "I wonder what their deciding factor was? I should probably send a note back and ask if they would be willing to give me some constructive criticism." Then I was out ...

November 4, 2008 - Tuesday Expectation and Frustration... Current mood: contemplative Category: Life I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait ...

November 1, 2008 - Saturday Everybody’s working for the weekend... I’m working ON the weekend. Current mood: calm I'm at work this morning. I forgot to mention a few blogs ago that I always have my Saturday morning gig from 7am to 11am, so at the very least I'm picking up a little check once a week. I am VERY thankful for that. It gives me gas money at least. Tuesday morning I got an email from a Christian foster-care placement organization in Klamath Falls. They have an opening, entry level as a breakfast/lunch COOK, and wanted to know if I would be interested... Hello, it's working with troubled kids, of COURSE I am interested. I called them on Thursday. We talked, prayed, and I said I'd send in an application; we w...

October 28, 2008 - Tuesday The Scoop on Interview No. 2 Current mood: contemplative Category: Jobs, Work, Careers Sunday morning came way too early. I tried to get to bed at a decent hour on Saturday night but my plans were foiled... other people in the house stayed up late... I'm not bitter just disappointed. It seems to be a running theme on both sides of that particular fence. My intent was to be up at 3:30 am on Sunday but I allowed myself 20 minutes of snooze and hit the shower at 3:51 am. By 5:40 am I was ready to go and checked in with my "travel companions" to see if they were ready - the ETD of 6:00 am had been established by them. I did not receive good news nor did I receive it in kind words. We ended up leavin...

October 26, 2008 - Sunday Almost, but not quite. Current mood: angsty Category: Life I don't like this feeling... it's like fruit that's not ripe enough to be picked or soup that hasn't come to a boil yet. It's not ready. It's THERE, but it's not done. I have a ton of things on my mind - things I need to process. Thoughts I need to put into the "air" so I can sort out their meaning. Like those magnetic words you can arrange into sentences on your refrigerator... I need to see, and touch, and say, and move them around. My heart is heavy with them. Not so much hurting heavy, but overloaded heavy. Not burdened, but definitely wei...

October 19, 2008 - Sunday Waiting Current mood: okay Category: Life Next Sunday, the 26th, I'll leave at the crack of dawn to drive up to Seattle for my second interview with the MeySen Academy. I don't know how many other candidates there are and I don't really know how many positions they have open, so I can't even begin to guess my odds. Odds or not, if God wants me to go then I'll be going, good odds or not. I am cautiously excited. I don't like deciding things solely on feelings. Dr. Dobson asked a good question when he wrote the book, "Feelings: Can you trust them?" I know for a fact I can't trust mine. But there is this SENSE I have, this calmness... maybe even a confidence? It's there a...

October 16, 2008 - Thursday "For I know the plans I have for you..." Current mood: contemplative Category: Life I just found out tonight that my "gig" working with the client who smokes is over, at least temporarily. Tomorrow night is my last shift with her unless she decides that she still needs night care. At first I was kind of stressed about it. It was like, "Huh, what if I don't get another client? What if I can't find work?" Then I guess I switched gears or something and I thought, "What if this is a God thing?" Of course it's a God thing... isn't everything a "God thing" in the life of a God-follower? I mean I'm not talking about the bad choices we make or wro...

October 12, 2008 - Sunday Tex Mex or Sushi... An Update Current mood: tired Category: Life Today I'm packing up the Lemon Souffle room at the old house and moving into the new house with the parents. (The parents' new house is the brother's old house - FYI - and is about 500 feet away from the brother's new house... Didja get all that?) Anyway, I'm not actually moving in until tomorrow, but I'm in the process of getting my stuff ready to move. Joshie will come over tomorrow and help me move the bed and that's it, it will be done. I have to go through the trailer where all my stuff is, where it's been since January, and decide what to keep, what to store, and what might sell in a garage sale in October......

September 30, 2008 - Tuesday Phone Blog: Withdrawals Current mood: melancholy Category: Life When I haven't had my mocha. When I haven't had my sweets. When I haven't felt the rain in days or slept in just washed sheets. When Friday won't come fast enough and Sunday ends too soon. When it's been a while since I've sat outside and stared up at the moon. When Christmas comes without the snow and low-key times are few. When life slows down and I discover how much I miss you.

September 23, 2008 - Tuesday Phone Blog: 2nd Hand Smoke Category: Jobs, Work, Careers Ugh. I pray I don't get cancer taking care of my client. There's a history of cancer in my bio fam. I could ask to be removed from the case, but I might not get another job before I leave. I need the money so I can fly out, so I need the work. My eyes are burning so bad, and when I get home I'll have to shower to get rid of the smell of smoke. :-( Okay, I'm done whining.

September 21, 2008 - Sunday Phone Blog: Confirmation Current mood: hopeful Category: Life Today I received confirmation about Texas. I would be happy had it not come in such a lame package. I wish I could believe it was concern that brought about the confirmation, but the words, tone, and delivery sent a different message. Because of that, confirmation seems bittersweet. It is confirmation nonetheless, so I can at least be thankful. Oh to be done with certain things for a while, it will be a good thing. I need verbal combat training! Six weeks... LIVING FOR TODAY, LOOKING FORWARD TO TOMORROW.

September 21, 2008 - Sunday Totally Cool Early Birthday Present! Current mood: stoked Category: Life So, really quick note to express my ELATION! My birthday is next month, October 12 for those of you who are keeping track - I'm into coffee so feel free to send Starbucks cards my way - and my sister-in-law just told me what I'm getting from them... It's a hand me down, but it was REALLY expensive when it was first purchased so I'm NOT complaining at all (by saying it's expensive I simply mean it's got all the bells and whistles) and it's only two years old, which is a big deal because most of my other items like this are about 8 years old or more... They're giving me their laptop! They bought it for the ...

September 20, 2008 - Saturday Phone Blog: Texas Current mood: curious Category: Life I am moving 2 Texas. I've been praying about it & unless the doors close, I will B there by 11/3. I need a fresh start: a change of scenery. Issues from my past have plagued my present 4 2 long. No more bandaids! It's time 2 treat the problem. I will B w/ my bio-fam: they have Xperiences & Nsight that my life family just don't have. Plus, they want me 2 B there & want 2 help me succeed. There's no timeline 4 my stay, yet. More 2 come soon. Keep me in your prayers, & tell me how I can pray 4 U! God is GOOD!

September 12, 2008 - Friday Why Aren’t Your Pants Burning? Current mood: cold Category: Friends I have lied before. I hate admitting. Still, it would be a lie to say that I haven't lied. I guess I'm uncomfortable admitting that I do and uncomfortable if I don't admit it at all. I have known people who weren't very good liars. You can see it the moment they open their mouths to tell the lie. Sometimes it's in their eyes, sometimes it's in the way they fidget. Sometimes it's the kind of words they use. Shoot, sometimes it's everything! But some people are really good at telling lies. Some people are so good that you'd never have a clue that they were telling lies unless you were one of those people who...

September 11, 2008 - Thursday Oh, now I remember... Category: Romance and Relationships I didn't want that to happen because right about this time it always starts to HURT! I need some emotional Neosporin with pain reliever. Do you think they sell that over the counter? Or since it's an emotional thing, I guess it would be "off the couch." *whimper*

September 8, 2008 - Monday Rocker Insight Current mood: sad Category: Religion and Philosophy Brett Michaels and the absence of my blue Lazyboy recliner have inspired me, but alas, there are too many characters (letters) in the blog of my mind. This phone blog simply cannot contain it. Just know, however, that the inspiration and desire were there. I simply had no avenue to deliver it. Perhaps another day... if inspiration and opportunity come together and permit...

eptember 6, 2008 - Saturday Blogging by phone II Current mood: frustrated Category: Life I hav a monstr pc w/ a 99 lb monitr. The monitr duzn't fit most desks & is 2 heavy 4 a pc desk. T'was free so not griping, but I dont hav rm 2 set it up. There was a possibility of usin/hav'n an oldr but nice flat scrn monitr but the ownr decided 2 keep it for their kid's pc... Mind u the kid has a laptop, 2, and really only uses the pc 4 games. If my pc was set up I culd save job apps 2 a mem stk & fill'em out @ hm. Ppl dont thnk bout stuff like that. I do, but I've "been there" & know wut it's like.

September 5, 2008 - Friday Blogging by phone. Current mood: disappointed Category: Life I've ben struggl'n lately. There R many, MANY things I'm pray'n bout, a few things I'm wonder'n bout, & bout 10 things I'm frustratd bout. 1 maj thing I'm grumbl'n over is how ppl hav expectatns of U, but don't consider how they might B hinder'n the progress they want. Also, wen ppl hav a need/want, that U can't meet, but they don't considr if U can meet it & ask 4 it anywy. Worse, wen they DO considr & still ask! Sigh. Short blog due 2 no 1 shar'n a pc w/ me, my pc still BN packd, & no web evn if it wasnt.